episode 1

The journey back to the top: a life make-over
Episode 1: after one week..

Before I discuss about “the journey,” allow me to share something….

Last night, nag chat kami sa yahoo messenger ng isang former classmate ko way back elementary days sa Angelicum (ys-3 to be exact) na si Natasha Cruz. Noong ys3 she was that silent girl na hindi masyado umiimik sa klase but now, oh boy, she’s a hottie! Yah baby! Much to my surprise when I saw her sa webcam. Oh boy! She’s really gorgeous kahit wala siyang make-up. I like her more pag walang make-up. Honestly, I admire her looks. You know what, I told her that she looks like the lead vocalist of “Pussycat Dolls” yet Natasha also told me that not a few guys say that she reminds them of Kristin Kreuk, the hot actress who plays Lana Lang in my favorite tv series “Smallville.” Hahah. Well, I think they’re right about that. Nevertheless, whoever celebrity she looks like, one thing is certain: Natasha’s one hot lady; no wonder why she’s habulin. Even my friend Cholo before was head-over-heels in love with Natasha.

But for clarification, I’m not falling for her though I admire her. No you won’t fall Quincy! Oh behave! Heheh. Aside from her looks, things that I admire about her are the following: she’s fun to talk with, she seems witty and mature- the kind of person who I like the most to be with. masaya kausap ang ganoong tao. I hope na sana magtagal ang aming friendship. Friendship ha. Di ko tataluhin yun.

Now, let’s talk about “the journey.” A week had passed after I wrote the first article but it seems that there’s no obvious change in my life. Parang alang improvements. However, I figured out what really bothers me, the sickness that I am going through- it’s anxiety, which also comes with poor self-esteem.

It is usual for us humans to experience anxiety during our stressful times. Anxiety deals with the state of being anxious- troubled and uneasy in mind. Still, it is up to us how to handle it- either we fight back or freak out. In my case, based on my own analysis, I freak out when anxiety hits me, I rather run away from stressors than facing them. Another reason for my anxiety is my disorganized lifestyle, which I have mentioned before. Duh! In addition, my low self-esteem feeds this anxiety. actually, oftentimes I see myself as a failure. a**hole and worthless. I even say a lot of negative words to myself, things I really don’t say to other people. I’m rude sa sarili ko yata. Kailangan mabago na ito.

Working on this worse conditoion, I’ve researched tips to cope up with anxiety in the internet. I found some sa lifescript.com and sa about.com. I studied those articles and really learnt a lot of helpful things from them….. and I’m gonna put them into action. Though, it was revealed unto me that this battle to get up from being down-in-the-dumps ain’t gonna be a walk in the park especially in my situation where I have nobody assisting me. Sigh. It would take time and hard work to get through this, and I’m going to do work by myself. But if ever there’s anyone who would like to extend his or her hands to me, I’d gladly reach for it for I really need help badly.

Before I was that “superman” who saves, helps people in trouble, but now I’m the one in need of help. Pero sabi naman ng kanta, “even heroes have the right to bleed” eh.

The first step that I’m gonna take, which is I think is the best first move to make, is to recharge and boost my self-esteem. These are the things to do to make that work: first I’m going to be optimistic. Tapos I’m gonna use my positive traits to its fullest to get my goals and to beat down the blues; Then, I’ll get myself into new things, new experiences where my skills could be enhanced as well as my personality.

Aside from those self-esteem boosting plans, to cope up with anxiety, I am alsom considering having a partner. Alam mo na, yung someone who’s gonna accompany me in this journey, cheer me up when I’m down, keep me going. Yung taong mapagdadaingan at mababahaginan ko ng aking feelings and thoughts. Someone will care for me and, syempre, ako rin sa kanya. Someone who I can call my…. girlfriend. But, but, but,…. I have high standards pagdating sa pagpili; kung baga sa school, Ateneo. Whoa! Pero kasi, for me, there are lots of things that should be considered upon entering that kind of relationship. Lalo na ako, I’m serious when it comes to that matter; ayoko ng lokohan. Pero, it’s so hard kasi to be a loner. Di lang kasi alam ng marami. Especially during hard times tapos there’s no shoulder you can lean on nor words to cheer you up, nako kahirap! But, still, I’m going to think about this matter carefully muna….. kailangang mapag-isipang mabuti.

Well, I’ll just have to put these plans into action and then see if there’s going to be a change or improvement sa situation ko. Sana nga magkaroon.