The adventure begins for Super Quincy

“Dark ages” is the term I use to describe the past four years of my life, until now, which are my college years. During these times, many negative things occupy my existence: frustrations, failures, anxiety, depression and I am still going through these at this moment.

My assessment is that I am suffering from the consequences of my past decisions, which are probably out of my carelessness, miscalculations, poor judgment and happy-go-lucky style. Now, at 20 years of age, I picture my life as messy, troubled, distracted and critical; a scene that I never imagined then. If I will not do anything about this worse case scenario, eventually, I’ll turn out as destroyed, wasted.

This was not the Quincy I knew then. During elementary and high school days, I was responsible, brilliant, creative, full of energy, and happy dude. And I’ve proven my pretty good prowess before in competitions, and being one of the competent students in the class before and because of that, people liked me, trusted and respected me. But at present, I see myself as no good. Now, I am a big time procrastinator, lazy and slack. I am ruined, tattered and torn.

What made me like this? These negative traits began to build up when I and my family moved here in Santiago City from Quezon City. I became apart from my buddies to whom I share my life’s ups and downs. Here, I became a loner, my energy gradually faded. Though, there are times that my liveliness perks up but most of the times I feel down. I always wanted someone to talk to whenever I feel that way but I often fail to find that someone. As a result, I just keep my troubles to myself and when the burdens became unbearable, I just find myself crying in a corner.

There was a point in my life when I experienced, I think, a major depression which was a product of those sad things happened to me. During that stage, I felt worthless, helpless, hopeless, desperate and, worst, I’d even had the thoughts of committing suicide but, thank God, I was able to cope with it by myself. Most of the times, as much as possible I never show people the sad part of me. Instead, I play jokes and entertain people, which somehow, lessen the pain inside of me. Whenever I realize that I made people smile, even for just for a while, that makes me happy.

Things got worse when I entered college. I decided to study in a not-that-high-standard school, which I never dreamt to study at before. People in the campus often misunderstood me for being arrogant, weird, and even crazy. In addition, The school never satisfied my thirst for knowledge. Heck! And due to that I became sluggish to attend classes. However, my passion for learning did not die away. Instead of attending dry-as-dust classes, what I did (and am still doing) is to learn things by myself: I read books related to my course and grab learning opportunities outside school and I’m loving it. Boy! I hate the traditional spoon feeding system of learning which most of the teachers in my school is practicing. Nonetheless, my grades are not that impressive but I know deep inside me, I still got that “Mr. Nerd.” Teachers say that I’m brilliant but the problem is that I am lazy. And they are quite correct about that, I admit.

As I assess things, the gloom that I’m bearing for the past four years is caused by not totally letting go of the past. I guess, I’m stuck in the past because I don’t like the sad things that happen to me in the present. I try hard to move on but it seems that I could not get over of the past.

Out of deep thinking and reflecting, I found the best solution about this problem: acceptance. I have to accept that the past is past and I can’t change it. I have to stop regretting about my past faults and mend, renovate, makeover my personality, my career, my life. I have to accept the present no matter how frustrating it is. Life must go on for me.

As part of re-building my being, from now on, I am going to record my fight-for-life quest and journey back to the top. Through this, I may somehow inspire those individuals who also undergo this kind of trouble that I have.

I know this is going to be a tough, rough road but I won’t stop ‘till I get back on the top.